I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
