UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
