You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
