why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
