It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
