I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
