They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Randomize
