There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Randomize
