I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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