dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize