Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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