left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
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