i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
he was CRYING into my vagina
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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