Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Well I just put wine in my tea
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
