so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
