Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
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