I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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