You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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