Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
