Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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