I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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