he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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