2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
