matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize