Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
