Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
