he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize