ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize