i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize