Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
from now on my penis is your penis
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
