Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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