he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
