I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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