Ambien. No doubt about it.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize