explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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