Apparently you make a good broom.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
