she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
