Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
