And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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