Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
