What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
