i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize