yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
