$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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