Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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