Kareoke will never be a sober sport
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
