roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
