Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Everyone says I win the strip club
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
