He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
