My hand turned me down
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
