Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
