Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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