You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
