Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
