I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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