her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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