I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
