i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
