I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
