Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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