Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize