she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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