I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
No subtext here. People are naked.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
