I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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