Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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