alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
