So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
