I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
