her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
