Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
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