dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
