forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
